During the December holidays I “finally” had some time for myself. Few days without projects, workshops and without many people around. What I thought is going to be nice relief became a great inner challenge. True solitude was/is hard. When I was standing still I could feel loneliness, sadness, and fear. It was shocking since I was not present to it throughout the year – not to this extent for sure. When my mind started to crave for some escape from it (additional socializing, food, TV series), it struck me. For the whole year, I was numbing some emotional parts of my being with huge amounts of work and dancing. It was good, I needed that for a level-up in focus, discipline, and career. In 2017 I managed to produce great results and I am proud of it. Yet it also true that all this work was also an escape from my feeling of loneliness and needs for deeper connection and caring relationships. I could feel a lot of sadness with this realization.
When asking myself what to do with all of this, some great books and videos came my way. I started to talk to people more about how we truly and deeply feel. Instead of running away, there was/is sharing. Being vulnerable is not easy … but those are the conversations that really matter. Sharing yourself without pointing fingers to anybody. I heard many tough stories this month along with some really beautiful ones and I am deeply grateful for them. I also observed that a real, direct and caring conversation between a man and women adds to a whole new level of trust and connection. Recommended although it can be one of the most challenging things for us.